Therapy Session

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Hi. I’m Natalie. But I guess you knew that. Seeing as my file is on your table and everything.

It’s weird, seeing a counselor. But I really needed someone to talk to. I had to drive a long while to get here. I’m paranoid about anyone in my life finding out I’m seeing someone. It’ll just be one uncomfortable question after another; my best friend asking if she’s not enough, my mother hinting that I have little to no faith, my father grunting that this better not cost him anything. It’s always about money with him, and I guess also with me too.

[pause][nod]

Okay, I can carry on now that I know you’re listening. It’s always about money with me, because I don’t have any, and I have a host of things to do with the money. My major concern is earning enough money to get out from under my parents’ thumb. Or enough to run away and start a new life somewhere else.

I always want to run away. I think I’m just embarrassed of my family, honestly. My dad talks a big game, he’s always active in our local community, always ready to help others, but resentful about spending on us. Ever since we moved, and my mom couldn’t find a job, it’s been him supporting the family. And honestly, it sucks.

Sometimes I think about how we would all descend into abject poverty if he lost his job. He has no savings!! But how can he, when we take all his money every month?

Deep breaths. Calm down Natalie.

I am calm, I think.

Calm enough to continue?

I think so.

I look around, and I see young women of my age, with so much confidence, and all of the things they do, the things they wear.. I marvel at their self-containment, their self-confidence, even if they’re faking it, and I just.. I look at myself and I see disembodied pieces. I see half of a person. I try to find all the pieces of myself I erased, all the parts that I hid, just so I wouldn’t be a burden, just so I wouldn’t take more of my share of the paycheck.

I’ve always felt like a money drain. I mean, I went to private schools almost all my life. I’m only in community college because I screwed up at my old school and got kicked out. Also, somehow, I became ineligible for financial aid. And honestly, I want to get rich quick and pay my parents back. So they can have a tidy nest egg, and so I can be free, mentally. So I won’t have to do things for them out of guilt. Guilt that they spent so much money on me and I’m not even doing remotely good. I mean, I get good grades and stuff, my GPA is the highest it has ever been, but I’m not contributing to the family purse.And that makes me feel like a waste of space. Like I don’t deserve to have a voice in the family.


It feels like I’m in prison, and money is the jailer. Sometimes, I feel like money is an elusive lover, teasing me. A smile here, a flash of skin there, but I’m not allowed to touch or hold him.

Are you okay? Do you need a moment?

I’m fine enough to continue. Ignore the tears. It’s just that I’m so angry. I feel so restrained! But who restrained me? I did. So I would be acceptable. So I wouldn’t take up too much space. And now, anytime I’m happy, anytime I’m enjoying myself, I feel guilty. I feel like the other shoe is definitely going to drop anytime soon. I’m not comfortable.

Oh. Time’s up already.

Come back anytime you want, Natalie. I’m here whenever you need to talk.

Definitely.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi, Rosebuds. It’s a gray morning here, sorry to make it even more gray with this short story thingy. I have Anatomy exams later today. Gotta go impress my crush, Dr. Fischer. Tell me in the comments your favorite colour. Mine’s deep purple. Also, I’m so sorry there was no post on Friday. I had exams then. I will make it up to you guys soon.

Mahal kita, Rosebuds!

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Fresh Food Friday: Oha Soup at P-Kris

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Backstory before we discuss the awesomeness that is this spread. Bear and I, on one of our many walks down Marian road, saw this place that seemed like an exclusive club and wondered what it was. In our quest for knowledge, we discovered that it was a restaurant of sorts and we decided that we’d go eat there someday, together of course.

But Bear, being the sly that he is, went there first. He claims it was hunger that took him there, but I think we all know the truth.

Anyways, after his visit to the place, he just would not stop waxing poetic about the wonders of P-Kris Oha soup, so we got the squad together and decided to try it.

Safe to say that the squad absolutely loved it, and our experience was made more amazing by the fact that we paired this wonderful meal with our everlasting fave, tiger nut juice. The combination of the ginger in the tiger nut juice and the pepper in the soup made our eyes water and our mouths burn in a good way.

We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, but what would have made the soup more enjoyable was if the meat in the soup was soft. We literally had to fight with the meat, but obviously, we won.

P-Kris is a little more pricey than the average restaurant, though, but you get value for your money. They even have a POS machine. Do I hear a hallelujah somewhere? If you want to try the soup out for yourself, to make sure we’re not just trying to sell you a castle of lies, you can check them out yourselves. They’re located on Marian Road, opposite Happy Food Chinese Restaurant.

Squad verdict for P-Kris Oha soup is 4.5 stars. (The .5 was docked for hard meat.)

I think it’s safe to say the squad all went home with full hearts and happy stomachs. Maybe one day we’ll do a full menu review for P-Kris (if we’re hungry enough, hehe)

Rosebuds, tell me in the comment section if you’ve ever tried Oha, and what your thoughts on it are. You can also tell me what your favorite soup is.

Have fun, eat well, and be kind to one another. Mahal Kita, Rosebuds.

Coffee Mugs: Exam Szn


It’s officially exam season here, and boy have I got jitters. I’m in my second year of Nursing school, and I just don’t want a repeat of what happened in my second year of Med school.

I mean, the conditions aren’t even remotely the same, but still I find myself biting my nails and shivering in trepidation. That happened yesterday while I was prepping for my Physiology practical exam.

I mean, yesterday wasn’t the best day for me. It was just one huge disaster, literally. And coupled with the fact that I felt so drained after World Virginity Day on Saturday, I just shut down. I was so scared, I couldn’t do anything but sleep.

Anyways, my point is, after all that fretting, my exam today went relatively smoothly. So I essentially just spent valuable time worrying.

I do this thing before I start studying. I say ‘I have the mind of Christ. The mind of Christ does not grow old; it does not forget. It is sharp and quick.’ Confessing that helps me know that I’m not alone, and that I don’t have to do this alone. It reminds me that I have God on my side, always. And that’s a thought that comforts me and shoos my fears away.

I’ve learnt not to worry about the things I cannot control, and just focus on doing my best, and putting my best foot forward. It has helped me tremendously.

What things do you do to prep for exams, Rosebuds? Do you have any special exam rituals? Or are you a worrier like I used to be? Let me know in the comment section.

PS- I have something special planned for Friday. Teehee!

Mahal kita, Rosebuds.

Taking Stock: May 2019

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Hello rosebuds, May is over, and to celebrate today being the last day of May, I’m posting Taking Stock for the month of May.

For those who don’t know, Taking Stock is just basically me answering one word prompts about stuff I’m doing. I actually got this from http://cateyesandcarrots.co and I love doing it. So without further ado, let’s dive right in.

Eating: Nothing at the moment, but I had yam and onion sauce earlier. Yum.

Drinking:  Water, but wishing I was drinking tiger nut juice.

Reading: Young and In Love by Ted Cunningham. Interesting read.

Playing:  Begin by Jungkook from BTS. I love this song so much. *heart eyes*

 Wasting: Nothing.

Creating:  New worlds for my stories.

Wishing:  That I had a clone that I could send to stuff I don’t want to do so I can chill.

Enjoying:  Music, the cold weather.

 Wondering:  When my reflection will show who I am inside.

Loving:  TLA!!! TLA is the best thing ever!! (TLA means Teens Leadership Academy, and my goodness! It is fun, fun, fun!!)

Hoping:  That I ace my exams tomorrow.

Marvelling:  At all the people that love me, and how it’s hard for me to accept. Sometimes.

Smelling: The fresh air after rain.

Wearing:  A dress.

Noticing: That my eyelashes are really pretty.

Knowing: That I have the mind of Christ, and that God is with me. Always.

Thinking:  About the work I’m editing.

Feeling: Happy.

Bookmarking:  Recipes to try, websites to visit, and dramas to download for Bear.

Opening:  My eyes to see the light.

Giggling: Because I’m awesome, and other such amusing things.

I hope May was good to you, rosebuds, and that you took all of the opportunities you could. Here’s to June being a month of new discoveries!!

Mahal kita, rosebuds.

Two people forming a heart with their hands
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Welcome to The Rose Garden

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Spring is finally here (in my life). Things are starting to look up, finally, and I have so much to say and so much to write about so I’m relaunching the blog.

I have rebranded, and the blog is no longer a window, but a garden.

I have lots of things planned for this blog. Lots of posts and series (maybe). I also solemnly promise to plan out a schedule and stick to it faithfully. So help me God.

Anyways, the purpose of this post is to welcome you to my refurbished, reupholstered blog, and ask you to stick around in my wonderful rose garden. There’s always space for you here.

Love, Tasha.

PS- Happy Children’s Day to everyone!

Taking Stock: January

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Eating:  Totally in love with Indomie’s Chicken peppersoup flavor. Totally unhealthy, I know.

Drinking:. More and more water everyday. Totally good for my kidneys.

Reading:  A Bollywood Affair by Sonali Dev and God’s Not Mad at You by Joyce Meyer.

Playing: My Bollywood playlist. I have only 6 songs on it right now. Suggestions are welcome. I cannot tell you how much I love songs sung in another language.

 Wasting: No time seizing the day and being happy and reveling in the fact that God loves me.

Creating: Memories with the fam.

Wishing:  That I could be friends with Nam Taehyun, and that I didn’t have to wake up by 6am everyday.

Enjoying: Studying for exams.

Wondering: “When will my reflection show who I am insiiidee??” JK, wondering if my habits of book hoarding and excessive playlist making can make me money.

Loving: Listening to Nazdeekiyaan. (soundtrack from the movie Shaandaar). The vocals, the video, the feels it inspires in me. Too much.

Hoping: That I’ll actually be able to do the 30 Day Letter Challenge to the end.

Marvelling: At how much energy my puppy has.

Smelling: Like a rose garden. jkjk

Wearing: My favorite red skirt that I swiped from my sister.

Noticing:. That I feel free. And that it’s not a totally unwelcome feeling.

Knowing:. That I can do this thing called life, and nursing school.

Thinking:. About how I need to work on my people skills.

Feeling: Content.

Bookmarking: School websites and carrot cake recipes.

Opening: My mind to new possibilities.

Giggling: Because I’m so punny.

 

Love to your families. Stay warm in this cold world.

PS- I’m totally going to do the 30 Day Letter Challenge. I just need somebody to hold me to it.

22.

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I always write a post on my birthday. Last year was a series of doors in my face for the most part, but I did end up getting a sweet early Christmas gift.

This year, I want to grow into the me that God intends me to be. I also want to try my hand at running  small business.

This year, I will conquer my irrational fear of the ocean (and swimming pools) by learning how to swim. I also intend to learn how to drive and how to knit.

I want to blossom this year, and flourish in every way possible. Ha!

I don’t know how to end this, so…. Eat cake today, people!! (Preferably carrot cake hehehehe)

Love, joy and peace to you.

 

Taking Stock- December 2016

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I found this on Cateyes and Carrots

I haven’t posted in a long while, and I thought I’d wrap up 2016 with a post. I wasnt up for doing a review of the year, so this was super-perfect for me.

Eating:  Nothing at the moment. But I have been eating a lot of eggs lately.

Drinking:.Juice, lots of it.

Reading: China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan. It’s so hilarious. I love Astrid!!!!

Playing: I can’t get enough of BIGBANG these days. It hurts that the whole band won’t release new music for a while. 😦

 Wasting: Time by sleeping in every morning. Gotta get a head start on the day, yuno.

 

Creating: Outlines for stories that I want to write.

Wishing: I was friends with YG artistes. And that I had extra 6,000 dollars lying around in a bank account somewhere.

Enjoying:  Life with my family. Ask me again next week.

Wondering: Where I’d be if all the things that happened this year hadn’t happened.

Loving: Finding my mother’s book stash.

Hoping: That all the things I need come to me.

Marvelling: At how far I’ve come this year.

Smelling: Like me.

 

Wearing: A tee-shirt and jeans. Business as usual.

Noticing:. That I need a wardrobe overhaul.

Knowing:. That God has my back.

Thinking: About all the things that I want to do.

Feeling:Grateful

Bookmarking: Random academic stuff

Opening: The door to my heart. Much cheese.

Giggling: At my own jokes, because I’m awesome as heck.

 

Be inspired. Live your best life. Flourish where you’re planted. I’m totally in a better mood than I was when I started writing this, so I might make this a regular thing. We’ll see about that.

See you in 2017.

Coffee Mugs 5- Goodbyes and New Beginnings

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I hate goodbyes. I don’t watch finale episodes of shows that give me the feels for that reason.

I’d much rather just up and leave than say goodbye. It’s why I have a hollow feeling in my chest. I’m in denial of the fact that a phase of my life is about to end. I have zero expectations for the next phase of my life but is that a good thing really?

I’m a little bothered that I can’t feel anything anymore. I think my feelings are broken.

I’m usually excited about new beginnings, but due to broken feelings, I can’t bring myself to be excited.

Listening to Amanda Cook’s album Brave New World to soothe myself.

Here’s to a new beginning for me.

Coffee Mugs 4- Being vaguely ‘something’.


The title of this post was inspired by a tweet I saw yesterday. The tweeter spoke of not having any intense feelings of late and even those feelings she could always count on were not as strong anymore and she ended up being vaguely’something’.  I obviously relate so much with that tweet I could have been the one tweeting it.

I’m temporarily staying with a friend and I stumbled upon a couple of notes that I wrote to her at a time where I was open and trusting and more honest with myself and as I read through those notes, the feels hit me right in the chest and made me write this post.

I haven’t allowed myself to be ‘deep’ for a while now because it hurts when I think about things. Things are so far out of my control and in the Heavenly Father’s hands right now and I trust that he’s working for my good.

Maybe I haven’t been thinking much because I’m lazy. Or tired of adulting. I don’t know.

Anyway, I haven’t felt intense emotion in a while and those notes made me feel good. Even though they were written to another person, I felt like past me was reaching out to present me and telling me I’ll  be fine.

I don’t know the next time I’ll write something, but feel free to catch up on all my old stuff, friend.

 

Grace and Peace,

N.