Coffee Mugs 5- Goodbyes and New Beginnings

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Goodbyes, new beginnings,

I hate goodbyes. I don’t watch finale episodes of shows that give me the feels for that reason.

I’d much rather just up and leave than say goodbye. It’s why I have a hollow feeling in my chest. I’m in denial of the fact that a phase of my life is about to end. I have zero expectations for the next phase of my life but is that a good thing really?

I’m a little bothered that I can’t feel anything anymore. I think my feelings are broken.

I’m usually excited about new beginnings, but due to broken feelings, I can’t bring myself to be excited.

Listening to Amanda Cook’s album Brave New World to soothe myself.

Here’s to a new beginning for me.

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Coffee Mugs 4- Being vaguely ‘something’.

The title of this post was inspired by a tweet I saw yesterday. The tweeter spoke of not having any intense feelings of late and even those feelings she could always count on were not as strong anymore and she ended up being vaguely’something’.  I obviously relate so much with that tweet I could have been the one tweeting it.

I’m temporarily staying with a friend and I stumbled upon a couple of notes that I wrote to her at a time where I was open and trusting and more honest with myself and as I read through those notes, the feels hit me right in the chest and made me write this post.

I haven’t allowed myself to be ‘deep’ for a while now because it hurts when I think about things. Things are so far out of my control and in the Heavenly Father’s hands right now and I trust that he’s working for my good.

Maybe I haven’t been thinking much because I’m lazy. Or tired of adulting. I don’t know.

Anyway, I haven’t felt intense emotion in a while and those notes made me feel good. Even though they were written to another person, I felt like past me was reaching out to present me and telling me I’ll  be fine.

I don’t know the next time I’ll write something, but feel free to catch up on all my old stuff, friend.

 

Grace and Peace,

N.