Quitting You


First off, this is more for me than it is for you because you don’t even know how I feel about you.

I’m quitting you.

This is not me saying that I’ll never speak to you again, I’m saying that I won’t pay you any more unnecessary attention- like stalking you on Twitter, searching for you in a crowd and missing you terribly when I don’t find you, hanging onto your every word like you’re some deity and reading too much meaning into the things you say to me.

I’m tired of ‘liking’ you. And not because you can’t reciprocate my feelings but because liking you has become harmful to me. I shouldn’t be this possessive of you. A glance from you shouldn’t affect me this much. I shouldn’t be putting on airs (that you don’t even notice) just so I can match your ‘ideal type’.

I should be free to be me around you. To accomplish this, I need to be able to see you as ‘just another boy’.

 

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Conceal, Don’t feel


See, I’m kind of emotionally unavailable. It’s becoming more of a problem as I grow older because how am I supposed to cultivate healthy relationships with people when I can’t communicate my feelings with them?

It’s not like I don’t feel, I feel way too much. But I don’t let on that I feel things which leads to misunderstandings all the time.

I need to know how to fix this. I wasn’t always like this, you see. I let people make me into this. I could have decided to keep on showing my feelings even after being disregarded by the people I cared for the most but I closed myself off. Because I hate being hurt. And now I can’t genuinely smile at the person I like, or text first or even do something that suggests I care.

All because I don’t want what I feel to be disregarded.

Sigh. Help me, please.

#MCM


This is an appreciation post for all the men in my life-  my father, my friends and my future husband.

To my father, thanks for being my father. Our relationship hasn’t been that good because we both didn’t know how to effectively communicate with each other, but I’m happy that we’re learning about each other daily. I love you.

To my friends, thanks for being friends with this weirdo. You guys have taught me a lot about myself and friendship. I pray we remain friends for a long time so I can spoil your children.                                 PS- Godmother or nothing 😈😇

To my future husband, I don’t know who you are, or what you’re doing but I know that meeting you will be a blessing to me and together, with God as our foundation, we’ll be unstoppable 😃😃

That’s all folks!

Say hi to a random stranger today. Be the warmth in this cold world.

Airplane.


I hate

The airplane

That took you away from me,

From us

From who we were

And from what we could have been.

And if I could go back in time,

I’d tell the airplane to wait for me

To go to you and tell you how I feel

And ask you to stay.

 

 

*I promised you guys the first draft of a poem and here it is. It’s heavily based on iKon’s Airplane*

Eat a cheesecake today. Be happy.

Introducing…


Taco.

Taco is an alter-ego I created for my friend’s SnapChat story almost two years ago and I just now decided to develop the character for a secret project. This is kind of a character profile.

Nobody knows what Taco’s actual name is(it’s Juliet). She’s tiny (4″11) and changes her hair almost as often as G-Dragon does (she wears wigs but nobody knows. They all just assume it’s her hair). Her hair color now is red- firetruck red.

She’s super into anime, Kpop and Kdrama and she attends fan conventions when she can.

She’s studying Psychology, but if she had her way, she’d be studying Literature or Film.

She’s pretty close to all her siblings- she has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. She’s the baby of the family and the family favorite.

She’s 21. She loves food. The only things she hates to eat are olives and pickles. She enjoys musicals and hates cheesy romance movies. She loves to read and to travel. She wants to have lived in every major city of the world before she dies.

She always wants to know everything. It almost always leads her into trouble. She has a part-time job at the bookstore. She loves coffeeshops for the ambience. She does Pilates obsessively (she swears by it).

This is all I could think about because I kept getting distracted by my playlist, hehe.

Smile.You are loved.

 

Paper Hearts


That’s the song I’m listening to right now.

It’s the first day of the new semester and I’m demotivated. I want to travel everywhere this year.

I should just take this semester off (like I actually have a choice) and figure out what exactly it is I want to do with my life and what my purpose for living is.

I’m listening to Baby Baby by Winner now and it’s not helping my mood at all.

Good wishes to all that are actually going to school this semester. Be awesome, nerds!

I should try writing poetry this week. If I do, I’ll post my first draft to celebrate.

Rest assured in God and His mercies.

Revelations 22:1-2

Peace. Joy.

Different


I’m different. And while being different doesn’t mean inferior, sometimes I can’t help but feel that way. Inferior.

Because I’m usually alone, I can be myself, do the things I like to do, but when I’m in the midst of people that don’t have the same tastes as I do, I feel so out of place and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that leads me to question myself and my tastes- in music  in movies, in books…

Most days, I am secure in my choices. Today is one of the days when I’m not.

Sigh.

Be the warmth today.

 

 

Playlists


I have started reading again. And writing again.

Anyway, I have playlist envy. I just realised that I don’t know how to make playlists. I just dump all the songs I like into a folder and give it a weird name.

8tracks is giving me playlist envy 😢😢 All these people have all these exquisitely named playlists to fit every mood and I guess I’m just bummed that I can’t create such, only enjoy it.

We can’t always do everything, you know. But it’s okay. I don’t know the point of this post.

Good tidings.

Coffee Mugs 2


I love interior decoration. And quaint coffee shops. And Kpop.

So many times, I get weird stares when I mention the fact that I like Kpop. And I hate those stares. Why can’t I like Kpop when you like Olamide and Don Jazzy and Drake and J.Cole and Nas and Kendrick Lamar?

Music is music, human. I don’t have to understand what they’re saying for me to like it. I don’t care that they have weird (to you) concepts and are prettier than I am, and neither should you, human.

Dear friend of mine, the fact that I love Kpop does not mean I want to date/be friends with any Korean guy around. You don’t have to introduce me to your group members. If I’m going to be friends with them, I won’t do it because of the color of their skin or where they come from, I’ll do it because I love their personality.

This is a scheduled rant. But it’ll still be relevant by the time it’s actually posted. I need a new tag line for this new phase of my blog.

Joy to the world.

 

 

 

Coffee Mugs 1.5


I took myself out on a date today because I was slowly starting to go crazy, and not in a good way. I’m sitting down in a hole-in-the-wall coffeeshop enjoying the smell of coffee and wishing they’d hurry up with my order.

I love coffeeshops.  And I don’t even drink that much coffee. I had fun with myself on my date today. I might take myself to the movies soon.

I realized I find my own company interesting and I amuse myself much more than is legal, but that’s all part of my journey of self-love and appreciation.

There are actual mint leaves in my hot chocolate. I feel fancy.